Lizzie - Chapter 23 - The Culmination

The overhead lights glared as her eyes fluttered open. 

There was a dull throbbing in her head as Lizzie came to her senses. A steady beeping noise came from her left, the source a monitor with a blinking line. 

I'm in the hospital. 

Memories began flooding back. The fight, the punishments, the fleeing.

Her parents. 

A shiver ran through her as her eyes darted around, only to find herself alone in the room. 

A breath escaped her, but with it, the knot in her head grew. She rubbed her forehead. Or at least she tried to, only for her arm to stop halfway.

She jerked again, only for her wrist to be pulled back once more.

Scrunching her sheets aside, she found something taped to the back of her hand, a clear tube that led to a bag filled with liquid.

But what really caught her attention were the padded cuffs fastened around her wrists, each with a strap leading off to the railings on either side of her bed.

They were made of some soft fabric, and had been pulled snugly around each wrist. The straps were long enough that her hands could just barely touch. She pulled at the cuff on her other hand, but it remained fastened, some sort of lock preventing her from releasing it. 

She was trapped on her bed.

Her heart began to race as she tugged harder. Suddenly, the taped tube on her hand began to itch, but try as she might, it remained a few inches from her fingertips.

Another surprise hit her as she felt a dampness between her legs. She peeked underneath her light green gown, only to find a bulky white diaper had been taped around her. 

To escape.

To be independent.

To prove that she was not a baby.

It was what she had spent the entire night running for. And where had that gotten her?

Trapped alone with the one evil she'd been trying to escape, its malicious caress wrapping tightly around her waist. 

Lizzie tugged at her restraints, the fabric digging into her skin as she reached for the tapes.

But just as she was about to tear the disgusting mass off, she felt a growing ache down below.

"I need a toilet!"

But the cuffs held firm, keeping her trapped on her bed.

"just go in your diaper," a distorted voice echoed in her head.

"No!" Lizzie gritted her teeth, willing every muscle in her body to hold on.

Her heart began pounding against her ribs as she looked around, feeling the pressure mounting.

"Help…" she whispered.

The door swung open, and Lizzie looked up, taking a hopeful breath as she tried to blink the water out of her eyes. 

A woman in a lab coat entered. They froze as their eyes met, staring at each other for a moment before the woman smiled, "good morning, Elizabeth."

Lizzie blushed, immediately moving to cover herself back up. She wanted to bury her face, but the restraints prevented her from reaching. 

"Oh my goodness." The woman's expression changed. "I'm so sorry, let's get those off of you right away." The lady moved quickly, muttering to herself in the process, "I swear I told them not to…" 

She picked up a key from a drawer, and moved toward her. "I'm so sorry about this. But you were jostling a lot in your sleep last night, and pulled out your IV twice. I'll remove the cuffs, but you just have to promise me to leave the tube in your hand alone, alright?"

Lizzie nodded frantically.

"I know it might itch or feel irritating, but it's supplying you with nutrients and fluids, both of which you crucially need right now." The doctor's voice was calm and gentle, and Lizzie felt her breath begin to slow.

"I'm Susan by the way," she said as the cuffs were removed. She grabbed a clipboard from the end of the bed before sitting down on a chair next to her. "Is it okay if I call you Elizabeth?"

"Um, you can call me Lizzie," she muttered.

"Alright Lizzie, do you feel uncomfortable anywhere? Does anything hurt or feel numb?"

"I have a small headache, but that's it."

"Alright, I can get you something for that in a minute, but does anything else hurt?"

Lizzie shook her head.

"Is there um… Anything else that is uncomfortable? Or is there anything you need?" Susan asked as her eyes scanned her, before coming to rest on her stomach.

The aching returned. 

"Um…" Lizzie started, feeling her cheeks beginning to heat up. "I need to use the restroom."

"Of course, let me move your IV to a mobile stand, and then I'll help you over."

"I can go myself," Lizzie stated, but as she took a step off the bed, her leg collapsed from underneath her.

She fell into the doctor's open arms, but the motion caused her gown to flip open, exposing her diaper. Worse yet, she felt a little bit of pee trickle out. The liquid quickly disappeared into the padding, but her cheeks burned regardless.

Lizzie pulled the gown tightly around herself. Too embarrassed to say anything, she leaned on Susan the remainder of the way. Thankfully, the journey was short as there was a small bathroom attached to her room.

"Is it okay if I help you remove your diaper?" Susan asked as they approached the toilet.

Lizzie nodded weakly, all of her energy focused on keeping her bladder under control.

The door was shut, and a long sigh escaped her as she relieved herself. The return trip was easier, and she managed to walk back mostly on her own, only needing a bit of help to climb into bed.

"I'm sorry to ask this, but I'll need to give you another diaper, okay?" 

"No!" Lizzie said, scrambling to the edge of the bed and wrapping the sheets tighter around herself.

"Lizzie, I understand that you don't like it, but unfortunately last night you wet yourself in your sleep and based on your medical records it seems you've been incontinent your entire life. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but—"

"I don't want it!" The outburst caused the doctor to pause. "I don't need it," Lizzie said quietly, looking away. "I only wet at night… sometimes."

Susan paused for a moment, before replying softly, "alright, I understand. How about we use some bed pads instead? They'll just go on top of your mattress to protect the bed and you just in case. It will still get onto you and your gown, so it's not a permanent solution, but we can try it for today. How does that sound?"

"Okay," Lizzie said slowly. 

The pad was quickly installed, and Susan sat back down next to her.

"Now, I have a few questions for you, but before we get to them, are you feeling hungry or thirsty at all?"

Lizzie shook her head.  

"Okay then, do you remember what happened last night?"

"I…" Lizzie paused. "I was running in the night and tripped, I don't remember anything after." 

"Why were you out running so late and in the pouring rain alone?"

"I…" She looked away. "I just wanted to."

"I see. Now I need you to understand, Lizzie. You may not have realized at the time, but what you did was extremely dangerous. We found you on Narrow's Bridge, passed out from exhaustion in the freezing rain. You were lucky, and I mean very lucky that someone noticed you and called an ambulance. You could've gotten hypothermia or worse."

Lizzie nodded slowly, memories beginning to resurface. Lying in her soaked clothes on the bridge, alone. She shivered. 

"But because we got to you in time, other than some minor cuts and aching for a few days, you should be fine. In the meantime, I'd like to run a few more diagnostic tests, and keep you here for a couple nights to monitor your recovery. I've got to go, but I'll be back to check in on you periodically." Susan stood up. "Also, we managed to recover your bag and wallet, and we just got in touch with your parents."

The final statement made her bite her lip, but the doctor didn't seem to notice, and soon Lizzie found herself alone in her room once again.

She searched around for her phone, only to realize it wasn't there. Her legs still felt like jello, and her entire body was beginning to ache, so she didn't trust herself to get up and look around.

She felt a chill run through her, her blanket doing little to help against the iciness within. The monitor droned on beside her as the seconds dragged on, and worries soon began to crowd her mind.

What would happen when her mom arrived? 

She could already see it. Her speeding down the highway, stomping through the hospital and storming up to her bed.

"Elizabeth Grace Cooper! Running away now, are we? Clearly I wasn't being careful enough. Don't worry, I won't make that mistake again!"

She shuddered, her body quivering at the thought of the possible consequences she would face.

But then another thought crossed her mind.

What if her mom never came?

She flinched, shivering as if an icy dagger had been plunged into her. 

"If she's wants to run away then she can suit herself!"

What if her parents didn't care — what if they were glad to be relieved of their burden?

She could already picture it. Stuck in the hospital alone for weeks before she was sent to the orphan house along with the other unwanted kids. 

Perhaps at first she would enjoy it, a life of freedom and independence.

But sooner or later, they'd all find out about her bedwetting. Then her days would be filled with humiliation. Laughed at by the other kids as the baby who couldn't keep her sheets dry.

Lizzie buried her face into her pillow as her imagination ran wild.

Maybe, if she got lucky, she'd get adopted by a rich family. A life filled with fancy dinners and endless new toys. It would feel like paradise, up until the day she accidentally wet the bed.

Then it would all turn south. They would judge her, shame her, punish her until the bedwetting stopped. And when it didn't, they would give up on her, cast her away so they could attend to their other, normal children.

And so she'd bounce from house to house, each one turning her away once they realized her for who she was — a defect. In the end, she'd be alone. Truly, and utterly alone.

"Mom…" The word escaped her lips before she could even react.

"Dad!" Lizzie tried to shout, but it barely came out as a whisper.

She saw herself standing in front of their house, turning away from the place she'd called home. 

"Mommy… Daddy…" Her voice trailed off as she felt tears welling in her eyes.

Just as she was about to break, the door swung open. But through her blurry vision, she couldn't make out who it was.

"Lizzie?"

"Mom…" She sat up as the blurred figure began moving closer. 

"Oh my god, Lizzie…"

"Mom…" She almost choked on the word. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for—" 

But she was interrupted by her mom's arms wrapping tightly around her, squeezing out all of her air.

"Oh sweetie. Shh… No no no. I'm the one that's sorry…"

Tears burst. "I… I was so afraid… I thought you weren't going to come. I thought you wouldn't want me anymore."

"Oh Lizzie… It's okay now. I'm here. I'm here… I would never leave you. Never."

"You're not mad at me?" She sniffled.

"No, of course not. Lizzie… I'm just glad that you're alright." 

"But the harness, the sleeper, I…"

"Shh… I know. I know… None of that matters right now. All that matters is that you're safe."

Looking up, she found her mom's face was also covered in tears. Her mom's hair was a frenzied mess and she could feel the trembling in her arms. Lizzie fell in, burying her face into her shoulder.

"I… I was so scared." 

"I know sweetie… I know… But everything's okay now. I'm here."

"And I'm here too," there was a slight pant in her dad's voice as he rushed up to the bed. He joined the embrace, wrapping his arms around both of them. 

Lizzie shut her eyes, feeling some of the ice inside her beginning to melt. Her tears poured out, streaming her worries down her face.

"I'm sorry…" she choked.

"Shh… It's okay… It's okay…"

Her dad gently wiped her tears on his sleeve as her mom calmly brushed her hair. The three continued to embrace, until the exhaustion eventually overcame her, and she fell asleep in her parents' arms.

***

When she awoke, her parents were resting on the chairs nearby. Noticing her, both of them looked up.

"How are you feeling?"

"A little hungry."

Philip leapt into action, and quickly returned with lasagna, drinks, and two bowls of chicken noodle soup.

Lizzie wolfed down the lasagna, the hospital food somehow tasted like a gourmet meal. The hot soup warmed her stomach a bit, but a chill still remained.

The three of them spent the next few hours chatting, resting, and watching TV. 

Everything seemed normal, but something felt off.

The awkward silences. The careful tiptoeing. The looks they shot at one another.

Ever since they'd gotten here, they hadn't mentioned her running away. Nor had they brought up the punishments, the fight, or even the party.

They hadn't even brought up her wetting.

Even if she forgave her parents for the punishments and her parents forgave her for running away, the underlying issue still remained.

It stood there, a massive, ugly statue towering over them. Yet somehow, her parents acted like it didn't exist. 

Lizzie grimaced, her head beginning to pound.

"What happened to my phone?" she suddenly asked.

"Oh, umm, I talked to one of the nurses, they found your phone screen cracked and it wouldn't boot up anymore. It likely died in the rain."

"Oh…"

"Did you want to borrow my phone instead?"

"No, it's okay. I just wanted to message my friends but it's all on my own phone…"

There was another awkward pause.

Lizzie forced out a yawn. "Is it okay if I sleep some more?" 

Jennifer looked at Philip, before turning back to her. "Of course sweetie. Your father and I will take turns staying in the room in case you need anything, alright?"

Lizzie nodded, closing her eyes and flipping over. Her mind raced as she shifted her bare legs against each other underneath the sheets. 

Her thoughts began appearing as little ghosts throughout her room, dancing around her bed as they taunted her. Lizzie shifted, peeking at her parents through squinted eyes, their occasional worried gazes only confirming her suspicions. 

Whispers began to echo in her mind, louder and louder as Lizzie bit her tongue, using the pain to drive it all out, until only a single thought remained.

I am a bedwetter.

It was the root of her problems. The bane of her existence. And she was helpless to do anything about it. 

She flipped away, using the covers to mask the tears that were once again forming on her eyes. Pinching herself to keep from sobbing until she eventually grew tired, drifting off to sleep.

***

A chilling sensation had just begun spreading underneath her as Lizzie's eyes fluttered open. She didn't even bother checking, already knowing what had happened. 

She sighed, looking around, she found her father sitting at his chair reading a book. Thankfully her mom was nowhere to be seen.

"Dad…"

"Hmm? What's up soldier?" 

"I… Wet…" Lizzie looked down and bit her lip. Hating herself for the fact.

"Don't worry. I'll get you to the bathroom so you can shower and change, and I'll grab a nurse to switch out your sheets in the meantime."

The hot water felt amazing against her skin. Despite the shower being cramped and the fact that she was missing her favorite soaps,  Lizzie let herself soak, feeling some weight wash off along with the sweat and grime.

But she had another reason for staying under the running water for longer.

My wetting is getting worse… Which means I may never get better…

The thought had brewed in her mind for months, yet it was only now that it felt truly real. It was the daunting, yet inevitable conclusion that had made her bury it into the deepest recesses of her mind. But now, she was not only wetting almost every time she slept, she was even wetting while awake.

She was out of excuses.

The thought of course led to a million other questions. Was she going to wear goodnites forever? Or even diapers? Would she need them in the daytime too? What would she do about sleepovers? High school? College?

And… what would her parents think of her?

The thoughts soon caused a renewed throbbing in her head, and so Lizzie shook them out of her mind, shutting off the water and drying herself off. 

As she changed, she overheard a voice from the other side of the door.

"Are you sure you don't want to use diapers instead of these bed pads? They're easier to change and lower the risk of leaks."

"Yes, I'm sure. Our daughter is a little sensitive about her protection right now. We'll talk to her of course, but for now if we could continue using the bed pads that would be much appreciated."

"Alright, but…"

"Of course, we will pay for them, or even go out and buy some from a store if needed. And if you could tell my wife and I how to change it we can do it ourselves as to not bother you and the other nurses."

"Alright, I'll come back later to show you both."

Noticing her step out, Philip flashed a smile. "How was your shower?"

"It was nice," Lizzie said, pulling her new gown tightly around herself.

"Well, your bed is all changed. Please let me know if you need anything else," the nurse said before leaving.

Lizzie lay back down, and just as she was getting bored, her mom returned. 

"I ran home to grab a couple things." She handed her a bag containing her Switch, chess set, and a couple chess books. "The doctor said they still need to monitor you for at least another day or two, but I know how boring it can get. So hopefully these can help keep you entertained. Oh, and one last thing." 

Jennifer handed her a box.

"What is this?"

"My old phone. It's nothing fancy, but you should be able to set it up so you can message your friends."

"I… Thank you." 

Her parents, especially her mom, were being kind… Too kind… Was this an apology for what had happened, or something else?

Thankfully, Dr. Susan chose that moment to enter the room. "Hello everyone, is it okay if I talk to Lizzie alone for a minute?"

Jennifer and Philip looked at one another, but nodded.

"So, Lizzie, how are you doing?" Susan asked as her parents stepped out.

"I'm feeling better, just a bit tired still."

"I see, that's quite expected. And the test results have all been pretty good. We're still waiting for a few more, but if all is well, you should be good to go home in a day or two."

"I… I see." Lizzie said. 

"I did have some questions though. Prior to coming to the hospital, did you notice any other changes recently?" 

Lizzie bit her lip, clutching the sheets tightly around herself.

Susan knelt down beside her bed, looking up to meet her eyes. "It's okay to tell me anything. I'm here to help you. No matter how big or small it may seem, it's important you tell me everything. And I promise anything you say stays just between you and me." 

Something about the doctor's voice relaxed her, and Lizzie realized there was nothing to hide. "I've been wetting more recently, more often and more intensely. I've also been getting more easily frustrated or angry, but I don't know why."

"Did you change anything recently, like diet or sleep schedule?"

"I don't think anything has changed."

"When did you start noticing this?"

"I think since around Christmas, although it seems to be getting worse." 

"I see. I really appreciate you telling me, Lizzie. I'll run a few more tests, and we'll see what we can do for you, okay?" Susan said, her eyes soft. "Now if you'll excuse me for a moment, there's a few things I wanted to discuss with your parents as well."

Left alone, Lizzie moved to set up her new phone. 

"hey…"

"hey wassup I thought u were still grounded" Madison's reply came nearly instantly.

"i was… but im sorta in the hospital rn… long story"

"WHAT??? PLS TELL ME THIS IS SOME LAME JOKE"

"unfortunately im srs…"

"WTF??? R U OK???"

"ya dw im fine… its a long story dont rly wanna talk abt it rn"

"which hospital u at? can i come visit at least?"

Lizzie paused. She desperately needed someone to talk to, but did she want her friend to see her like this? 

She sighed, remembering that her friend had seen worse. If she was going to talk to anyone, it was her.

Lizzie decided to message Ivie as well, who was equally surprised and concerned. The girls chatted for the remainder of the day. Ivie sent her funny videos that made her laugh so hard she almost fell off the bed, and after dinner, Madison caught her up on all the recent school drama.

***

"Hey Lizzie, good news, your vitals are all back to normal. I'm just waiting on one more report, but you should be able to go home tonight."

"Oh…" Lizzie said, clutching the sheets around her.

"You don't seem too excited, is everything alright?"

"Can I actually stay here a few more days? My head still hurts," she lied. 

"Really? I thought the headache went away yesterday?" Susan asked, crocking her head. 

"I thought you'd be excited to get out of here and go home," Philip chimed in. "What's wrong?"

"I… I just want to stay here a few more days!"

"But Lizzie, it's uncomfortable here, not to mention quite expensive too. If you're not sick, then we should go home. You can probably rest better there too." 

"Well, my professional opinion would be for you to go home, Lizzie, but the bed is available, so I'll let you and your parents decide if you'd like to stay for another day or two."

"Lizzie," Jennifer said as Susan left, "why do you want to stay?"

"I just wanna!" Lizzie blurted, clutching the sheets tighter around herself.

"Why?"

"I like it here."

"What's there to like?"

"I just do!"

"You're starting to sound like a—" Jennifer was interrupted as Philip tapped her shoulder.

"Lizzie," he started, "is there something you're afraid of at home?"

"If it's your punishments, your father and I have decided to rethink them."

"Does that mean no harness, PJs, and diapers?"

Her parents exchanged a glance before replying. "Well, we've decided the harness is definitely too much. We don't want to use the pajamas anymore either, but as for your protection…"

"I don't need diapers!"

"Lizzie, we know how you don't like them, and we don't want to use them either. We can go back to goodnites with inserts, but let's not forget you've already leaked through those once too."

"You're getting older, so naturally, your bladder can hold more. It's common for bedwetters your age to start needing stronger protection, Lizzie. It's nothing—"

"No! I hate diapers!" Lizzie said, a heat suddenly boiling within her. Just how many times did she have to repeat this?

"We know that Lizzie, but if you wet through them, what other choice do we have?"

"Why can't we use these pads or something else?" Lizzie patted the sheets under her. 

"Sweetie, they aren't designed for heavy wetting. The doctors and nurses wanted you to use diapers instead, but you seemed more comfortable like this so we decided to let you use it while you're here. But truth is, they're messy. The hospital beds are designed for it, but this wouldn't work with your mattress at home."

"Then why can't we just get the same bed at home too?"

"Do you even know how much something like this costs?" Jennifer blurted. Philip put a hand on her arm, but she continued, her voice rising, "Not to mention it still gets all over you and your clothes. We've been patient with you while you're recovering, but too much is too much!

"Have you thought about how much work it would be to change the pads out every morning? What would you do about your clothes? Your sheets? Do you think we have time to wash and change them for you every time you wake up wet? Have you ever stopped to consider how your father and I—"

"Have you ever stopped to think about me?!" The yell stopped her mom in her tracks. Philip reached out, but Lizzie shoved his arm aside.

"No! Of course you haven't. It's just always diaper this, diaper that, as if it's the solution to all of your problems! Have you ever stopped to imagine what it's like to be me?" Lizzie tore her sleeve across her face, ripping the tears from her eyes.

"Do you think I enjoy waking up wet all the time? No, I fucking despise it! You always stand there, claiming it's not my fault, but all you ever do is blame me when you haven't even considered how humiliating it is!"

Tears streamed down her face, but she gripped onto the railing, willing herself the power to continue. 

"I get it, I know I'm just an embarrassment to you. A fourteen year old daughter who can't keep her sheets dry. I'm just a problem you can't get rid of.

"That's fine! Leave! You should've never come in the first place! I'll just go and find someone who actually loves me. Who's actually willing to care for me! I'll—"

"Enough!" There was a loud bang, followed by clattering as utensils crashed to the ground. Through the red in her eyes, she saw her mom's fist on the table beside her bed. "After all that we've—"

"Let's stop right here." Philip quickly wrapped his arms around Jennifer. "Clearly, we're all too emotional to talk about this right now. How about we take a moment to calm down and discuss this again later?"

Without a word, her mom stormed off, slamming the door shut behind her.

Philip reached out with his hand. "Lizzie, listen, your mom—"

"You don't have to explain for her!" she yelled. She'd already seen and heard enough.

"Lizzie, can we—"

"Just go away!" She ripped herself out of his arms, turning around and burying herself within her sheets.

"Okay, we'll give you some space, we can chat later. I love you."

The moment the door slid shut, she broke. Tears flooded out as she wailed into her pillow. 

Why? Why couldn't they understand? If they loved her, why did they keep blaming her for wetting? Why did they keep embarrassing her for something she couldn't control?

The sheets under her wrinkled as she clawed at her pillow. The tears kept flowing, clogging her nose and causing her to cough uncontrollably. 

Even after her pillow was soaked through, her tears didn't cease. The sobbing persisted as the conflicting thoughts continued tearing through her mind.

It was only after her eyes had been wiped raw that her tears finally slowed to a stop.

She sniffled, having gone through an entire box of tissues. Forcing herself up, she dragged herself to the bathroom, where she washed away the redness in her eyes, but the cold water did little to cool the blood still boiling within her veins.

A notification rang on her phone as she returned to bed. 

"Your mom and I are sorry. Do you want to talk now?"

"no."

"Alright. When do you want to chat?"

"idk im gonna nap first." 

"Okay. Message us when you are up. We'll be waiting just outside."

She cast her phone aside. A few more notifications soon rang in, but Lizzie just silenced them without reading.

She had no real intentions of actually napping, but there was nothing to talk about, not until they understood. 

Her brain continued on overdrive as she curled up in a ball, letting her thoughts run free. Her tears threatened to return, but she bit her tongue, forcing them back.

What if they never understood? What was she going to do? Her life. Her future. She ran her hands through her hair.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door sliding open.

"I said I didn't want to talk yet!" Lizzie blurted, the venom in her voice surprising even herself. 

"Oh." The voice didn't belong to her parents.

Lizzie turned around to see Ivie standing frozen at the doorway, a plastic bag in hand. "Is this not a good time? We can come back later if you want." 

"No. I mean… It's okay. Sorry, I'm just a bit of a mess," Lizzie said, glad she'd washed the evidence of her crying away. "Wait, what do you mean by we?"

"She means me of course!"

"Madison!" Lizzie exclaimed, as her friend practically sprinted over to her bed, giving her a big hug. 

"Hey, what about me?" Ivie asked with feigned jealousy, before giving her a hug as well.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you two were coming."

"Oh no, that's our fault. We messaged you, but when you didn't see it we decided to show up anyways. I hope that's alright."

"It's better than alright, I'm glad you guys are here," Lizzie said, forcing herself to push her earlier emotions out and smile.

"So what happened? How come you're suddenly at the hospital?" 

Her smile vanished. "Um. I… I don't really want to talk about that right now, sorry."

"Oh. It's okay. You can just tell us when you feel like it. But can you at least tell us if it's something serious?" Ivie asked.

"It's not too serious, the doctor said I can go home soon."

"That's good to hear. I'm not sure if you're allowed to have it while you're here, but I brought these." Madison handed her a bag. Inside, there was a bag of spicy sweet chili Doritos, a box of cookies, and a get well soon card. "I was gonna get the others to sign it too but didn't know who you told yet, so it's just me and Ivie. The cookies are homemade." 

"And I brought something to wash all of that down," Ivie said, setting down a six-pack of grape Fanta. 

"Thank you… How did you guys know I was craving these?" 

"Well, you mentioned the Doritos to me before." Madison shrugged.

"And c'mon I've known you long enough to know your favorite drink."

"Thank you so much. You two are the best."

"I… Did have another question though," Madison said, sitting down. "I saw your parents outside, your mom in particular didn't look too well, are you sure everything's alright?"

The flame within her reignited. "Yeah, they're fine," Lizzie said, looking away.

"Hmm. I see. Were you resting when we came in? If you'd like, we can wait outside too, or come visit another day, unless you want us to stay and keep you company," Ivie said.

"Maybe it's best if I rest for a bit."

"Of course." But as they turned to leave, the thought of being alone sent a chill through her.

"Actually, could you guys stay for a bit? Maybe we can watch something on the TV, or we can play some Switch games. Or do one of you want to play some chess? My board's over there."

"Of course!" Ivie turned around with a warm smile. "Why don't you two play chess, I'll watch. I've been curious to see how good you two have gotten with your club and tournament."

"I'm game, but I would feel sorta bad beating you in your weakened state," Madison said, flashing a playful smile. 

"Oh, don't worry, you'll need the handicap if you want to stand a chance."

The two drew the first game, and quickly started a second. Ivie watched along intently.

"Dang, you win," Madison said before brushing her forehead. "How could you have possibly gotten better since last time?"

"I've just been playing a lot since I've been bored out of my mind," Lizzie said, moving to clean the pieces. As she did, she caught her friend staring. "What is it?" 

"Nothing, just that you usually seem happier when you win. I get it though, being in the hospital and all. Dang, it's getting late, should we get some food?"

"We can get something from the cafeteria."

"Should I grab your parents for dinner?" Ivie asked. "I think they were—"

"No!" Lizzie said with more force than she intended. "Just… let them stay outside."

"I… are you sure—" 

Lizzie interrupted her by handing her some cash. "I heard there's chicken fingers, can you grab some for me? And get whatever else you guys want."

"What would you like, Madison?"

"Just get me a… actually maybe I'll tag along?"

The two left, leaving Lizzie alone with her thoughts.

Should she tell them everything?

They were her best friends. She could trust them. In fact, right now, they were perhaps the only two people in the world that she could.

But she hesitated. How would they react to the harness? The fighting? The running away?

Could they truly understand her? Or would they be just like her parents?

Her thoughts were interrupted by their return. 

Madison entered with a plate of chicken fingers and a salad, followed by Ivie with two bowls of soup.

"Here, we also got you some soup and you can have some of my salad if you'd like." 

The three sat down, but no one ate. Lizzie toyed with her food, swirling a piece of chicken in a puddle of sauce. Ivie slowly stirred her soup while Madison nibbled at her salad one leaf at a time. The three ate in silence. 

"Would you like us to leave?" Madison blurted, causing Lizzie to drop her chicken.

"What? No, why?"

"I feel like we're getting in the way of you and your parents." 

"I—"

"No Liz, she's right." Ivie chimed in. "What is going on? We want to respect your boundaries, but there's clearly something wrong. We want to help, but frankly we can't if you don't talk to us. If… If you feel more comfortable just telling Madison, I can wait outside. There's no hard feelings."

"I don't mind going outside either," Madison said.

"No, please stay. Both of you. I want to tell you guys. I just… don't know how." Lizzie let out a long sigh.

Madison sat down on the edge of her bed, wrapping a hand around hers. "You can tell us anything. I'm on your side no matter what. You know that, right?"

Ivie sat down on the other edge, putting a hand on her shoulder. "The same goes for me of course."

Lizzie sniffled. For some reason, tears were already beginning to form.

"Okay…"

"Maybe you can start from the top. What happened since you got grounded? How did you end up at the hospital?"

"I… well like Madison said, I got grounded for getting into a fight with Morgan, this girl at school. My dad wasn't here, so my mom decided on the punishments. 

"It started out fine, I was just grounded with no electronics, but then my mom found out about me sneaking out to Vanessa's party last week, and she freaked…"

Once she started, the words began pouring out. The punishments, the bed harness, and the shopping trip.

She told them how she'd finally decided enough was enough, and how she escaped and ran away. She told them how she woke up at the hospital, how her parents had come to find her, and finally how they had ended up in a shouting match.

As they listened, there was a small frown on Madison's face as her eyes looked on with worry. Ivie asked a few questions, but mostly chewed on her lip, her brows furrowed as she fiddled with the sheets.

"… and then you two arrived," Lizzie concluded.

"Wow…" Madison said as Ivie brought a hand up to her chin.

"Did I… overreact?" Lizzie bit her lip.

"No. Or at least I don't think you did. If my mom did something similar, I would've run away too."

"Even though I can understand where she was coming from, Auntie Jennifer definitely overreacted with the punishments. It all seems a bit excessive…" Ivie's voice trailed.

"But what?"

"But…" Ivie paused for a few seconds before continuing, "they promised not to use them as punishments anymore, right?"

"Can that promise be trusted though? What's stopping them from changing their minds in a few weeks?" Madison asked.

"Her parents are strict, but they're not the type to go back on their word. Lizzie, if you're worried though we can setup something in writing, I can also try to help mediate if—"

"That's not the point!" Lizzie interrupted. "I don't care if they don't use the other punishments. I'm done wearing diapers!"

Her entire body began to tremble as she spoke. "You know what? I'm done wearing goodnites too! Screw my protection. I don't care if I wet the bed anymore, I'll just clean it up myself! I'm done being treated like a problem. And if they try to force them on me again, I'll just tear it off and run away again, but for real this time!"

"Liz," Ivie started. "I know you're angry, but—"

"But what, Ivie?" She glared at her. "Are you tired of me too? You think I'm just a pain in the ass too, don't you? A helpless baby who can't keep herself dry at night. If you wanna side with them so bad then get out!" 

There was a pause before Ivie spoke. "No, that's not what I'm saying. I know you're angry but please hear me out." She rested a hand on her back. "You are not the problem, and your bedwetting isn't either. When you ignore the rules and cause a mess, that is the problem. I agree that your parents are in the wrong, but that doesn't justify you acting like a child!"

A child… A helpless baby…

"That's just what all of you see me as!" She flung Ivie's hand off of her. "You don't understand me. No one understands me! You all say I'm not the problem, yet all you do is call me and treat me like a kid! It's always the diapers, like they're some magic solution to everything! Have you even sat down for a moment to think about what it's like to be me? 

"Have you even tried imagining what it's like to wake up every morning fearing what sensation rests between your legs? To constantly have nightmares of what would happen if people you knew found out? Do you know what it's like to be forced to go to bed every night wrapped in the very object that reminds you just how much of a failure you are?"

"We can't!" Madison grabbed her hands, enveloping them tightly within her own. Her eyes glistened. "We can't ever truly understand what it's like to be you. I wish we could, Lizzie, but we can't. 

"What I do understand is what it's like to be your friend. And I promise you, none of us judge you for wetting. Not me, not Ivie, and not your parents."

"I know you don't." Lizzie clung onto her hands. "But the rest of them…"

"I—" Ivie started.

"Don't lie to me! I've seen the disappointment in your eyes when I wet the bed, like the last time you babysat me!"

"Liz… I've never been disappointed because you wet. I was however, disappointed that you didn't wear your protection properly, and even more so because you lied to me about it."

"Because wearing it is embarrassing, just what is it that you don't understand?!" Lizzie gripped her sheets, threatening to tear the thin fabric apart.

There was a long pause as Ivie opened and closed her mouth.

"Why do you feel embarrassed when it's with us though?" Madison's question broke the silence. 

"It… It just is!"

"Why though? I know there's the association with babies, but Lizzie, we all know of your situation. And I know you know deep down that none of us, including your parents, judge you for it. We all understand it's not something you can control, and so it seems to me that if you just wore your protection then there wouldn't be any problems."

"But—"

"I know you don't like wearing it. It feels embarrassing, but why should it? Do you judge a blind person for using a walking stick? Or a handicapped person for using a wheelchair?"

"No…"

"Exactly. We don't judge people for using the right tools to deal with their challenges. If anything, we respect them for refusing to let their situations stop them from living their lives to the fullest."

Lizzie bit her lip. It all made sense, but… why was it that the feeling still lingered?

"Even still, the idea of wearing it still feels uncomfortable, right?" Ivie asked, reading her mind. "It's a constant reminder, right?"

Lizzie nodded.

"Have you ever thought that maybe…" Madison caught her gaze, pausing as she wrapped her hand around hers once more. "Just maybe, the one that's blaming you, the one that's judging you the most… is you?"

Lizzie blinked. Her, judging and blaming herself? She almost burst out laughing. 

Yet Madison continued to hold her gaze, her eyes soft, but serious.

None of them, not even her parents, ever blamed her for simply wetting. It had always been when she'd misused her protection, or when she lied about it. So what was this feeling?

Because it makes me feel like a baby.

But why? They don't laugh at me for it, they never have. The punishments made me feel like a baby, but they were only because I didn't wear my protection. 

It's the way they look at you. They see you as a child, a baby.

But is that really how they see me? Or is that just how I think they do?

You know they're disgusted, no, embarrassed by it!

No, they've always been there to support me, to help clean up my mess.

Lizzie blinked as a conclusion began to dawn on her.

I never thought they were blaming me before, so what changed?

And it was then that everything clicked.

"I… What if…" Tears began to form in her eyes, and her voice broke.

She had always believed that her bedwetting was temporary, something that would one day go away. But in the last few months, rather than get better, her wetting had gotten worse. And with it, a harsh new realization had struck.

She was going backwards, progressing toward becoming a baby rather than an adult. 

And it had consumed her. Every wet morning became a haunting disgrace. Every stare a judgment of her character. Every used diaper a curse, damning her as the helpless baby she believed she was. 

The one who blames me the most… is me.

It was as if the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Yet, as the picture became clear, it revealed one big ugly truth.

"What if I never get better?" Lizzie squeezed the words out before the tears began rolling down her face.

"Then we will love you all the same." Jennifer's voice caused her to flinch.

What was she doing in the room?

Was she just here to berate her more? To convince her that she was nothing more than a baby? 

Lizzie looked up with vehemence, ready to breathe fire. But as she did, all she saw were her mom's puffy red eyes. 

"I. I mean we, but especially I, am sorry." Her mom fought against her tears before continuing. "I am sorry for making you feel like your bedwetting is a problem. It never has been, and never will be. Whether it gets better or not, we know it's a burden you have to deal with. And it pains my heart seeing you struggle."

"Then why are you so strict about my protection?"

"Because your mom and I try to do what we think is best for you, but it doesn't always come off that way."

"What you said earlier was a wakeup call. That we've gotten too focused on trying to do what we felt was right — for you to use your protection properly — that we diminished concerns on how it made you feel." Jennifer took a deep breath. 

"I just don't want to feel like a baby."

"You're not Lizzie, but I can now see why you felt that way."

"I just want to be treated like an adult."

"You're right. You deserve to…"

"I…" Jennifer's voice broke. "To think it took you running away and speaking your mind for me to finally realize. I… I'm a failure of a mom." Tears were streaming down her face, yet she continued, "I think a part of me still saw you as our little girl who still didn't know any better. And I was stuck in the mindset that you needed a strong, firm guide when I should've trusted you more, let you make mistakes and been there to help you back up.

"I'm sorry. I promise that from now on, I'll try my best to treat you like an adult. I promise to be sensitive with your protection, and to never make it feel like a punishment. Because it's not.

"I know you may never forgive me. But Lizzie, I need you to know one thing. Your bedwetting does not define you. It never has. And you are so much more than that."

"Yeah," Madison said. "You're the best chess player I know."

"And an amazing singer," Ivie chimed in.

"And a kind and empathetic soul."

"Lizzie, you are all of that and so much more, and we've never given you enough credit."

"But… what if I wet the bed forever?"

"Then we will still love you all the same." 

"And we will get through it together."

Her parents sat down on either side of her. She looked up at her mom, seeing her tear-ridden eyes through her own blurred vision. 

She rested her head against her, as her mom gently wrapped her arms around her. Her dad held onto both of them, as her tears began to flood out.

But this time, as her body collapsed, she felt her burdens dissolve into her tears — the weights she'd been carrying all her life began pouring out of her.

Lizzie held onto the moment, feeling a new kind of warmth radiate throughout her body, melting away the permafrost that had formed within her. Her muscles softened, and she felt herself sink further into her parents' embrace.

"I'm sorry for running away," Lizzie finally said through some sniffles.

"No, I'm sorry for being too rigid and strict. For not trusting you more. And for not thinking more from your perspective."

"I'm sorry for not always being there, for not being there to support you when you needed it."

"We're sorry, Lizzie. Even if you don't-"

"I forgive you." 

"I love you," her parents said.

"I love you too."